But I’ll still believe though there’s cracks you’ll see,
When I’m on my knees I’ll still believe
He was lost. Gone. The man that Nathan once was had been was a mere ghost that drifted along the wind. He had let himself go once they had split The writer knew that she would always hold a piece of him wherever she went. He scrubbed a rough hand over his face as his eyes stung from the lack of sleep. The red lines that spiraled from his iris were visible past his heavy eyelids.
One hand stayed positioned at the touchpad on his laptop as he perused his emails. Spam. Spam. Spam. Dara. He filled in the appropriate boxes with checkmarks and eliminated the unwanted messages. He sniffed a bit, catching the scent of himself with a crinkle of his nose. His locks began to spiral down past his eyebrows, obstructing his vision. He shook them away to sit back in his padded chair, dreary and laden with regret. He had often relieved those moments. He couldn’t hit fast forward just yet.
The mail piled high beneath his front door that he stepped over every day in his new routine. A short nap, multiple mugs of the strongest coffee that he could muster and staring at a blank screen on his laptop, the cursor ticking away. He was sure there was a coffee mug ring imprinted on his oak desk after how many times he had forcefully slammed the porcelain down against it. His mind was befuddled with a multitude of thoughts that never strayed.
He really had let himself go…
One thing was apparent: everything was different. The way she appeared, the way she spoke… even the feelings shared were completely and utterly different. Nathan closed his eyes, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose to contemplate how it came to this. His eyes still moved from side to side in thought beneath his lids, releasing a deep breath as he searched his memories.
So much time had passed since that spring day in May where he watched his crimson-haired beauty engage in a fight with a fruit stand in the local market. He courted her. His every thought was fixated on her eminent beauty and grace. She would protest that to no end, but he saw it. Deep within her crimson eyes, he saw a world that he never knew existed. She was his wild Irish rose that he plucked and nurtured. He also caught a glimpse of something else in her eyes. Something that piqued his curiosity. Something he knew that could not be tamed within her. His intentions were never to tame Elizabeth, but to embrace her. To learn everything there was to know about her.
Naturally, there were a few bumps along the way, but their love began to blossom, but never to a complete bloom. Between the both of them, long nights and days placed a barrier between them. Work had created a wedge that only drew them further and further apart. Disheartened and feeling to blame, Nathan drew out time for his Dragon, but found the night to be full of anger and regret. Deep down, Nathan knew that he was a mere mortal. Something that Elizabeth could break in an instant. Perhaps the wolf had been right about his existence after all. Nathan was dabbling in a world in which he did not belong. Especially now with Elizabeth working for a vampire. What could Nathan possibly bring to the table to compete with that? Insecure and and full of doubt, Nathan gave it a bit of time to test the waters. Time, itself, proved to be his enemy as the nights grew longer and colder. He fared with his time alone and made the best of his time with her. Her; the one whom had captivated his heart. Her; she who had changed so much in such little time, though perhaps he did, as well.
He dipped his head into his hands, fingers entwined with fine curls as they began to mercilessly tug on them. His mind soared away from his body, seeking refuge anywhere that wasn’t his emotionally broken shell of a body. The end was nigh, this was for sure. No matter how badly he wanted to clutch onto her and never let go, he could not lie to himself. He saw it in her now. Her everyday movements and gestures. Her mannerisms weren’t the same. Since beginning this new job, she was no longer his Elizabeth, but becoming a stranger. Wrought with a heavy heart, Nathan drug himself to the empty bed once more for sleep, per chance to dream instead of live a nightmare.
@LittleDragonLiz *points to you, then to myself* You and me, baby, ain’t nothin’ but mammals. *begins vulgar gestures* So, let’s do it like they do on the… *grins, tongue clicking* Does it really need finishing? *chuckling internally, hoping you don’t kill me over this bout of crude humor*
Nathan had been quite disappointed as the plane sailed back towards America with his love on his arm. Their time together had been wonderful, yes, but something else - Someone else had made him a bit distraught. He had left his hope rested in a good, yet distant friend, whom failed to deliver their end of the bargain.
He knew all too well that Dara was known to be a shut in. It took breaking a few walls down to even sway her to permit him entry into her home to review her work. As he recalled meeting her the first few times, he remembered her keeping a far distance, constantly fidgeting and hiding behind her raven locks. No matter how many times he tried to reassure her with his words, she recoiled all the same.
In time, the two grew accustomed to each other, even to the point of Dara accompanying Nathan to coffee whilst going over his red doodlings of notes and critiquing across her manuscripts. She understood they were necessary to improve her writings for the success of her novels. She would often find herself lost in translation with her foreign-ness.
With their history, Nathan wasn’t sure if he felt hurt or angry. He viewed the meeting of his soulmate and friend as a new stepping stone of sorts for Dara. Instead, she let her fear take over and hid away in her mansion. Nathan explained to Elizabeth of Dara’s condition carefully, no to justify it, nor condemn her. Instead, he suggested that the next time it would happen, though Nathan was unsure of it, himself. He found himself comforting Elizabeth, a natural feeling of ease and happiness finding him as he wound his arms around her. It was only a matter of time before they would be home with the fond memories of Bruges fresh in their minds.
Though accurate statement
audio ramblings for @NathanBuxberry
the last few days had been quiet, a most welcome change from weeks prior. i mended in peace with little distraction from the outside world, mostly resting but occasionally cooking or washing up or just watching nathan work. he never questioned me on the details of my kidnapping, a perk for which i was extremely grateful. i was not familiar with this new-found feeling of vulnerability, and was having a very difficult time processing it in my own head. i doubted very much that i’d be able to articulate any of it. but that was the thing about nathan; for better or worse, he never asked questions. and as i sat watching him devour chilli dog after chili dog with wild abandon, i realized that this is exactly what i need. he is exactly what i need. not only does he make me feel completely normal, he does so without any pretense, without any expectation. he does not love me for what i can become or what i can do for him, simply for me, elizabeth, just a girl, nothing spectacular. and it is now, in this moment, sucking mustard from my fingers, focused on the cheese stuck in his mustache, that i realize all my childhood dreams of being special are completely foolish. i don’t want to be special, i just want to be. and here, now, with him, i can just be.
From the moment the realization sank in that Liz was gone, Nathan threw caution to the wind. She hadn’t left him, that would have completely and utterly destroyed him, no. She was missing, her whereabouts unknown. Deep within, he knew all was not well. Not as it should be. After the long silence, that would usually be filled with her voice, passed, Nathan found himself at a loss.
Sleep beckoned for him, but he idly waved it by. He sat, distraught by thoughts. He was unsure of where to begin. He turned his phone over in his hands, rolling it between his fingers, willing it with his mind to ring. To show any sign that everything would be okay. Over and over, he called her phone, texted. And still, silence. He slid his hands into his disheveled hair, breathing deeply. Liz had been his introduction into the world of the true supernatural beings. How would he know where to look into supernatural politics, or those pertaining to zmeus? All he knew was that he wouldn’t let up.
Over days and days, he wandered around the usual places where they would go in hopes of seeing her. His lack of sleep was catching up with him, as his skin was pale with dark rings forming beneath his eyes, but still he refused sleep, only succumbing to quarter-hour naps every so often. Determination got the best of him. He was weary, keeping an eye out for fiery crimson hair. A strong sense of helplessness overtook him each moment he could not find her.
Time seemed to stretch on and on until he received that message. Without hesitation, without a single thought, he was gone. Rushing to the hospital, dressed in mismatched clothing and his hair strewn about, his only thoughts were set on her. When settling his eyes on her sleeping form, a lump grew in his throat as slight tears pricked the corners of his eyes. He wasn’t sure if they were from knowing she was back; safe and sound, or that she had ended up in the car of doctors. nevertheless, with the doctor’s blessings, he brought her home to recover fully. Never allowing her to leave his sight.
Riddled with questions begging to be asked, begging to be answered, he still remained silent. Never asking a single question to her previous whereabouts, he only cared that she had returned to his life. By looking into her eyes, he could see that she came back to him for a reason. He didn’t need to know. He knew very well enough that Elizabeth could certainly take care of herself, yet he still felt the need to protect her from every potential harm the world had to offer. Often, he would just hold her, pressing his lips to her hair to breathe in her scent. His arms wound tightly around her as his eyes closed, never taking the feeling of her in his arms for granted.
Christmas time had arrived, and he knew exactly what to do. For weeks, he perused the interwebs, in search for a particular destination and holiday deals to be taken advantage of. Bruges had always been one of his favorite places to go in the past. Filled with good drinks, breathtaking sights and friendly people, he knew it would be the perfect getaway from a hectic past month. After arranging everything as he sought to be perfect, he waited until the eve before Christmas to present it to her, along with a small box. He awaited her reaction with much anticipation, feeling a bit nervous as to whether or not she would love her gifts…
Perhaps a new addition to the family. *shifty*